Ways the seven could break up Humorously
by candyisyummy83
Summary: I hope this is funny. My friend said it is. You saw the title, you know what it's about. I ain't a couple hater, I just thought people would love to laugh at it. So please give it a chance. I love you all, and Brick is understanding. Don't understand? Read. Please. I'll give you virtual cookies!
1. Chapter one, of which Jason dies

**I'm not sure what I'm doing. I just had this idea that if Piper and Jason broke up, this is how it would happen. It's supposed to be stupid, so no flames. Please.**

I knew it was over when he kissed that brick.

I didn't know he kept it.

But there was more. He didn't limit himself to the brick. Staplers, hairpins, you name it. I even caught him in the bed with a hairdryer! Where did I go wrong in this relationship? What did I do that made him love objects? I loved him, and he cheated on me with a HAIRDRYER! HE LOST HIS VIRGINITY TO A HAIRDRYER!

"Jason, I will not date you unless you break up with the hairdryer." Jason gasps.

"Piper! I thought you loved me, and you're making me break up with Brenda? How could you?"

"SHE'S A WHORE! SHE SLEPT WITH A PENCIL!" I cry, tears streaming down my face. I look at the brick, which was giving me a sympathetic look. I kissed it, and I felt a little better.

"How could you brick? How could you Piper? I love Brenda! Brick, we're _so _over."

"That's all you care about? WHAT ABOUT ME YOU SON OF A MOTHER?" Tears start falling down his face.

"YOU'LL NEVER LOVE BRICK LIKE I DID!"

"YOU NEVER LOVED ME LIKE YOU LOVED BRICK!" Both of us start sobbing.

Octavian and Reyna walk in, faces flushed and lips swollen, hands intertwined. Both of us turn to Reyna.

"REYNA! YOU'RE A TRAITOR TO THE WORLD!" She starts crying and Octavian rubs her back.

"Ignore the haters babe." They start making out and Jason, Brick and I back away awkwardly.

"JASON, WE'RE OVER!"

"FINE! I NEVER LOVED YOU ANYWAY!"

"NEITHER DID I!"

"COME ON BRICK, LET'S GO." I say.

"BRICK'S COMING WITH ME BIZ." I scoff.

"UH UH, I DON'T THINK SO, GRACE!"

"BRING IT ON MCLEAN!" We charge at each other and I grab his neck and push him to the wall.

"DIE AZHOLE." Charmspeak was laced in my voice. He slumps over. I walk away.

"Come on babe, let's go make out in the corner." Brick and I walk away.

_In the middle of making out_

"Piper? I thought that was Jason's thing." Percy looks confused. I smile sweetly, my lips sore.

"He ain't alone fish boy." He shrugs and leaves. Brick and I continue to make out.

_*Story end*_

**Okay, that was sooooo weird. Ignore the haters guys, Octavian said something smart. For once. **

**Thanks for reading, I'll post another chapter when I come up with it. Review and tell me who you want to see break up. Bye bye!**


	2. Chapter two, of which I die

**I don't really want to see Percabeth break up, but that's the point of the story. Hope you like!**

Annabeth and I are _so _over.

I saw her eating sushi! Sushi for crying out loud! It's like she's eating my siblings! I will not stand for that kind of cannibalism!

"Annabeth Minerva Chase! Come here this instant!" **(BTW, I don't know what Annabeth's middle name is, so don't judge me.) **

"What is it seaweed brain? Did you lose a shoe?" I look down. As a matter a fact, my left shoe is missing. My face reddens considerably. My anger at the daughter of the wisdom goddess only increases 74 fold. Yes, 74.

"I saw you eating sushi!" I glare hard at her.

"I didn't-"

"Don't even try and deny it smarty pants. I know you did." She glares at me. That wasn't very... wise! Haha! A pun that would make Apollo jealous. Beat that A- stupid ADHD.

"You have no control over what I eat Percy! I can eat seafood if I want to!" I glare even harder, and she flinches, but her glare hardens.

"Not if I have something to s- Hey where'd my right shoe go?" We both look around -well, I look around as best as I can, I'm only in socks. Will Solace slides in, wearing my shoes. He's holding bananas.

"I have the BANANAS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-" I groan.

"We get it Will! The fact that you have bananas somehow makes you stronger! Can you go bug Jason or take his shoes?"

"Nope. He's dead." We give him weird looks. But then we shrug because Jason dying isn't anything new.

Annabeth and I go back to our argument.

"YOU GOTTA HELP ME MAN, MY TIE IS EVIL AND IT'S GONNA KILL MEEEEEEEE!" A guy with an English accent cries. Annabeth and I back away slowly.

The guy looks down at his tie. "Please don't hurt meeee!" _"MWAHAHAHAHA!" _

"Ooookay then. Where were we? Oh yeah. Not if I have something to say about it!"

"Well, you don't. Because I eat what I want, and if I have to break up with you to do it then I will."

"Okay then. ANNABETH CHASE WE'RE OVER!"

"OKAY FINE WITH ME. BYE PERCY!"

"BYE ANNABETH. WANNA STILL BE BE FRIENDS?"

"YEAH SURE, THAT'D BE NICE!"

"OKAY BEST FRIENDS?"

"TOTALLY. SEE YOU AROUND, BEST FRIEND!"

"SEE YOU AROUND!"

_15 minutes later_

I find Piper making out with a brick.

_DUNDUNDUNDUN..._

_**And that's the end of chapter 2.**_** Hope you** **liked** **it-**_** friend! **_

**Oh and Cry,**

_**WHAT IS IT!?**_

**Will you be my Valentine?**

**F*c no!**

_**WHAT!?**_

**Of course Pewds! Of course!**

**Suddenly, pineapples!**

**Nooooooooo! Not the pineapples! **

**_Bleh!_**

**Unfrchunitly, du to eksposhur of pinapls, the ather of thus stry hs did. **

**Wich is wy i, Leo Valdez, Cuptan Mcshizl wil b takin ovr as ather of the stry.**

**C u nkst chptr!**


End file.
